a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
