Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
