playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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