my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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