I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
