don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
