Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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