Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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