he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
