I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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