Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
