I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it because I queefed?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
