He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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