i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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