my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
