nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
