we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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