No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
