this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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