What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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