There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
