they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
