: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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