Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
