So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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