This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
