brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
