Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
