On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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