I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
