He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the day after is always just damage control
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
