the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
