Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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