grandma shit on top of the toilet
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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