idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
