i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
