I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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