OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
