youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
