'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize