True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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