Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
