His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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