god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
