I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's always time for handjobs
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
