I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
