i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
