i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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