All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
