what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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