Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Banned from zoo.
Again?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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