You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
