I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
