I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
