where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
