i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
