Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
