you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
