Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
