shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
