Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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