I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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