That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
