Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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