Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize