he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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