why didn't you poke me back
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
