seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Panties = found
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
