Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
