In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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