someone owes me an orgasm
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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