Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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