I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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